Why Is Forgiveness Important?

In previous posts, we’ve reviewed the 21 Sub-laws of the Universe that describe how we can put the 12 Universal Laws into action in our human lives. That’s all good, but in my experience, many of us have trouble with Forgiveness, which is one of the sub-laws. Why is forgiveness important?

What is forgiveness?

As the famous Dixie Chicks song goes: “Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I’m not sure I could…I’m Not Ready To Make Nice.” I think those lyrics hit home for most of us at one time or another, whether we’re fighting with a family member or protesting a war. So what’s the problem? Why is it so hard to forgive and forget sometimes? Here are a few thoughts from different sources:

In “The Light Shall Set You Free,” Milanovich and McCuny said that there is a belief that if you forgive, you were wrong or that if you forgive, you may lose control over others. There may also be a desire to discredit, censure, accuse or indict another being. They said:

When we act from our ego, we may hold judgment or anger toward another, blame them and hold grudges. We may be unable to forgive ourselves as well.
Forgiveness means letting go of judgment, resentment or a claim against another. Its purpose is to absolve negative karma and free ourselves and others by giving unconditional love to ourselves and others. It is an abundant act.

Richard Rudd (“Gene Keys”) takes a slightly different view. He said forgiveness seems to be emotional, but really it’s about understanding. Only when we understand fully, can we forgive. The gift of understanding is not intellectual, but of mind and heart together. He wrote:

We cannot do forgiveness. No technique can bring it about. It comes when we are so tired of the drama that we spontaneously surrender. Forgiveness is the only antidote to guilt.
We forgive ourselves. We are forgiven by ourselves. Only then can we begin to return non-love with love. We forgive each other our trespasses and debts. Forgiveness isn’t personal. It is the realization that nothing is personal.

Anodea Judith (“Eastern Body, Western Mind”) sees forgiveness as a heart chakra function. When our heart is injured, we protect it from the one we believe has caused us harm. We blame them for the pain, because that protects us from opening to them again. She wrote:

Unfortunately, when we barricade our heart, we also barricade it against receiving and the possibility of healing. We stay frozen in the past unable to move forward.
Forgiveness is the ultimate step in healing, but it doesn’t always come naturally, easily or quickly. Forgiveness does not mean that what someone did was okay, or that an action didn’t matter, or that you have to allow it to happen again, or invite that person back into your life.
Forgiveness uses the compassion of the heart to understand ourselves and others in the situation. It is ultimately not about others at all, but about accepting what has happened to us and moving on.

Cherie Carter-Scott (“If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules”) said forgiveness is the act of erasing an emotional debt. She described four kinds of forgiveness that relate to yourself and others:

Beginner forgiveness of yourself for a moderate transgression, such as being late for a date with a friend because of traffic or bad weather. Forgive yourself. You did the best you could with the resources you had at the time, so make amends and release the situation.
Beginner forgiveness of another for a moderate transgression, such as the friend forgiving the other for being late for their date. The friend understands why you were late (your intentions, motivations, driving conditions), shows compassion and releases it.
Advanced forgiveness of yourself for serious transgressions that you carry with deep shame. When you violate your own values and ethics and conscience, you compromise yourself. You may feel regret or remorse, but don’t punish yourself. Understand why you did it, learn from it, make amends, then absolve yourself and move on.
Advanced forgiveness of another for serious transgressions, such as abandonment or betrayal of a spouse after years of marriage. Allow yourself to feel the hurt or anger fully, so you can release it and not get trapped in victimhood. Then view the situation as part of your life path, an opportunity for growth, learning, self-empowerment and spiritual evolution.

Guy Needler gave a lecture on “Forgiveness and How to Implement It?” He said forgiveness is a very, very powerful tool for a soul to use. Why? It’s to do with karma based on how we work with different souls and ourselves within the environment and the situations we encounter. He explained:

If we forgive somebody for wronging us in some way, then we stop the chance of any energetic connections being attached to us, specifically karmic connections between us and the individual.
We remove this link with us and this link with them. We do them a favor by forgiving them and we do ourselves a favor at the same time. As a result, that individual can evolve faster without links to us.

For example, when we’ve been wronged by somebody (e.g. fender bender), we can show how to think, behave and act in that situation. By being in forgiveness instantaneously, we show them we want to work things out on a friendly level instead of going into the attacker and defender mode.

We forgive the person. We forgive ourselves. We forgive the situation. We forgive the scenario and we forget about it and we move on. The idea is that you can sever the link, and you no longer need to do the reciprocal action as well. It’s feeling that there is no attachment to what happened.

Forgiveness is about totally forgiving somebody and forgetting about it, not mulling it over and over.
Most people say they forgive, but they don’t forget. We may say that we forget but we don’t. We think back and say this person did this to me, so we’re not actually forgiving or forgetting. This reactivates the potential for a karmic link between us and the other person.

How do we implement it?

Needler said we implement it by really feeling the forgiveness. It’s total forgiveness and forgetfulness and forgiveness of self as well, as if we’ve got our memory wiped on what’s happened. He suggested:

Talk to the person directly and say, for example: I forgive you, this is just an accident. It could have happened to anybody. There is no blame involved. Ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself as well.
Meditate on the event and seek forgiveness energetically. See the error of your ways, that it was not an optimal way of behaving with another person. Do it unconditionally with true love and knowingness in your heart and make a dedicated change in your direction. Lesson learned. Then remove yourself from all the thoughts, behaviors and actions that would perpetuate the situation and really feel it being gone.

He said don’t forget that people who cause us problems don’t mean to either. They are probably stressed out about something, trying to work things out. They are just other souls like us trying to deal with incarnate existence and do the best they can to evolve.

One of the best ways of thinking about it is: Will this cause you a problem in a hundred years’ time? Well, for most of us in a hundred years’ time, we’ll probably be in our next incarnation, so it won’t matter in the slightest really. We also have to think if this is a lesson in how to interact with somebody in a karma free way, as we’re trying to master incarnation. We are in the physical but not of the physical.

Finally, here are a few more suggestions:

Write a “Total Truth” letter (pdf) as a tool for conflict resolution for spouses and other family members. It gives you the other person’s perspective by allowing them to express their anger, hurt, fear, regret, solutions, forgiveness and love.
Saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong and it will never happen again” and humor go a long way as well. Or try Ho’oponopono: The Hawaiian Forgiveness Prayer.
Use a guided meditation to sever the links between you and the other person energetically. Here are a couple of meditations that will help:

Ramana Maharshi (1879-1950) had sage advice for us all…